self-destruct

I could care less who wins a point, who wins the game.

It might seems a bit irresponsible, but I love fighting the matches because I know, in the end, win or lose, I will die. So, there is nothing to hold back.

In a way its like the rush of suicide. To completely self-destruct and shed everything that's been weighing you down feels like the light at the end of the tunnel. A tunnel you've lost your breath trying to get out of.

The time is defined, the space is defined, its the only place where all other decisions I have to make don't matter, all I have to find is what I can do in this time, in this space.

My opponent never has a face, never has a name. Every match is between me and my greatest enemy, who is also my greatest savior; the same one I see in the mirror.

At some point. I have to trust myself.

I'm so sorry that the American Dream was a broken one for you.
But today, I have decided that I am no longer your collateral damage.


I might have to get out there and fail a million times and make a million mistakes, but they will be for my own sake.

I've wasted so many years not dreaming, I have a lot of time to make up.

I will find myself, I will love myself; despite what you've led me to believe.

yeah, feels kind of like that

every now and then. I can't help but question some things.

easier to get there if you know what you're looking for

to stop my opponent in their tracks,

to have the in awe of my spirit,

not for its strength, or its enormity,

but to be in awe of it's completeness.

in hopes that I am complete and whole.

for the body and the sprirt

Kendo is where I train the spirit.

Now, karate will be for my body.

maybe one day they will mirror each other.

so keep counting your death coins..

because you keep living to die.

everything we do is to save our soul in death

then why would we be given life?

do good because its right

not just a chip used to buy your way to heaven.

heaven wouldn't come at such a cheap price.

live now.