substance

I've been trying to feel for something...some kind of intensity that goes deep.

and I felt it today.

its not something that can be spoken into being,you can't fake it, you just have to have it. that kind of intensity.
other people feel it when it radiates off of you.



I didn't win, I didn't have much to bring, but I felt that intensity coursing through every hair.

go for broke? maybe not on the outside, but inside, i felt something more powerful.

Kind of funny.
I was trying to stay quiet before my matches, and not speak. take my time to read throughly my tenugui, put on my gear, feel out all the contours of my himos.
and in my head I think " i have nothing much to bring, but all I can do is bare the intensity of my spirit, it may not shock them, it may not win anything, but it will move them."
"show them your intensity, make them feel it."
"there is no me, no you, no time"


and for those moments in those matches, I felt that kind of power in my mind and my body.

watching the following matches that the Sacramento girls played was amusing, as Mr. C's cheering/advise kept including the word "intensity" or phrases like " stay intense"
wonder if i was thinking out loud...


I have anxiety about sensei's comments, but I am anxious to know.
did he watch? how did it look? what should i focus on now?
I saw the video, looks much better than the last few, I'm straighter, not leaning as much, and it looks cleaner.

again though... must start transferring my intensity to my body, and express it through more and better kendo...go for broke with real "ki ken tai ichi"